Bariatric Girl

I think I’m dreaming.

Please don’t pinch me and wake me up!

Yesterday history was made when Dr. Oz did a positive show on gastric bypass surgery.  Lap banders he did a show for you a few months ago and I posted about that here.

Of course I expected the very vocal anti-surgery types but I was a little surprised at how many pro-surgery people picked it apart.  I had to remind myself that many post-ops are fairly new and don’t remember the years of abuse we have suffered from other talk show hosts.  I’ve blogged many times about Oprah and even Dr. Phil who is kind of half and half on the subject (one of his nephews had the surgery).  I’ve blogged about People magazine that won’t include us in “women half their size” because they say “no surgery, no gimmicks”.  I’ve offered articles about great weight loss stories to many magazines but they don’t want weight loss surgery content.  The list is endless.  The stigma is alive and well.

When I read the description of the show I thought it was a trick. It was called The most under performed surgery you should be getting. A Dr. Oz special report on how to lose weight instantly, prevent heart disease, cancer and even reverse diabetes overnight with a surgical procedure. After reading it about ten times and peeling myself off the floor I was jazzed.  Dr. Oz usually has a pro and con professional but this time he only had positive professionals.  The only post-ops were one woman who was four years out and had done well and another who was ten years out that hadn’t.  The woman that hadn’t done well had three children after surgery and said she gained with each pregnancy.  I’d say that’s pretty common under any circumstances.  More power to post-op women after pregnancy who keep the weight off because I’m not sure how well I would have done.

Let’s remember that just because he didn’t cover other surgeries, cross addiction, and the many other possibilities that it’s at least a beginning.  He did cover lifestyle changes and vitamins. Instead of complaining about the show why don’t you write Dr. Oz and ask for specific subjects to be covered?  I’m very close to many people in AA and one of my favorite sayings about addicts is “you could ask one of us to a birthday party the wrong way”.  That translates to no matter what is said someone will find fault in it.  This surgery basically cures diabetes and we will be paying for years treating the disease instead of stopping it or at least slowing it down.  We all know post-ops that have had various levels of complications but they are in the minority and most of the post-ops I talk to say they would do it all over again.  Having the surgery is a personal choice and I’m tired of being criticized for taking the easy way out.  I’m healthy for the first time in my life and it shouldn’t matter how I did it as long as I didn’t damage myself.

I can’t convince you to like this show, the content, or Dr. Oz but I believe this is one great step for man and one great leap for mankind. (Thanks Neil Armstrong)

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I’ve tried saying the same thing but could never quite express myself as well as this.   The author unknown.

Headless “Fat People Pictures” are worth big bucks and that’s sad.

I’ve been wanting to do this post for some time.  As I researched the subject matter a little more in depth I came across this story.  Wow, who would have thought these photographs would produce this much revenue?  (From the story) “Sources at the BDN said offering the photos for sale might have already resulted in enough revenue to subsidize the print version for another six months.”

One of my most vivid memories about these pictures came from a woman that said “God please don’t let me be one of those people they use for video in news or print publications”.  They are known in the industry as the headless fat people pictures.

Have you ever noticed they show a veritable smorgasbord of people allowed to be photographed due to the rules of  public domain but only one type seems to exclude the faces?    Murderers, rapists, poor people, scam artists, homeless people, literally people from all walks of life have their faces shown.  Is it because the image of being obese is so incredibly shameful and appalling that faces are not to be included?

Obesity is the last acceptable prejudice.  We have become so desensitized to seeing one of those headless “fat people” photographs we forget there is a real person carrying the shame for many.  Fortunately I escaped that walk of shame until I posted my own photograph for purposes of this blog.

Last week I posted a link to a story about a man that supposedly had to stand for a seven hour flight because he couldn’t sit next to an obese man.  The article used a PhotoShopped picture that surfaced in 2006 so not only did they use a “photograph” that had nothing to with the story but used a fake image to make the story more sensational.  I wrote the reporter and the editor and they agreed to include the truth about that photograph.  Never assume you can’t make a difference.  Unfortunately I couldn’t do anything about the brutal comments (and they were BRUTAL) but you can ask for truth.

Since writing this draft I have become even more aware of how many of these pictures are  printed every single day in nearly every single story about obesity….and it still makes me a little sad.

Today I read a story that I had to share so I asked Mark Dean if I could feature him as a guest blogger and he agreed.

38 inch Wide Casket

by Mark Dean

A few months ago Facebook friend and local radio personality Kevin McCarthy posted a link written by his wife. It was about an obese man and an incident she had with him. It is insightful reading at Bariatric Girl.com found here.

I was reminded of a similar experience that occurred with me several months earlier.

In my twenty-four years as a funeral director, I have seen drastic changes in the weight and size of the individuals that my wife and I care for at our family-owned funeral home. The interior width of an average casket is twenty-seven inches. In 1987, we may have used an over-sized casket once or twice a year but now casket manufacturers are creating entire lines specifically for the morbidly obese.

Earlier in the year we were honored to care for a family in their time of loss. One young man in his early 30′s asked if his mother could come to the funeral home before normal visitation hours to pay respect. He stated that his mother had a medical condition and that she became very anxious when she was around large groups. He further explained that she was obese and self-conscious about her appearance. Dressing and transportation would be difficult for her. I quickly agreed hoping to eliminate any further grief for this family.

Looking back, I regret that my thoughts of this lady were negative. Without meeting her I expected someone unkempt, unhappy and negative. I had made a note to myself to keep my eyes open for her. Surely she would be expecting some type of special treatment.

When I finally met her my initial opinions couldn’t have been more wrong. I heard a pleasant “good morning” coming from a bright smiling face! She was so grateful for getting special considerations. The red gown was clean, her hair neatly styled and her make-up flawless. Matching slippers and purse completed the outfit. After a short time she was ready to go back home but was anxious to talk with me before leaving. I found her entertaining, witty and funny. She was protective and crazy about her family. After she struggled back to her van with the aid of an over-sized walker, I wondered if she had friends or interest outside of her family. She was such a pleasure and joy to be around.

Six months later the same son walked back into the funeral home. He asked I if remembered him. After some reflection with the help of my wife, I did. Sadly, his mother had passed away. Could we help him? She had been diagnosed with cancer. Because there were no CAT scan machines large enough for further diagnostics her treatment was limited and death was quick.

There are many obstacles that a funeral director deals with when handling the remains of a morbidly obese person. The first is transporting to the funeral home. You are always afraid that your equipment will fail. Most mortuary cots have a 550 pound weight limit. Your embalming table is only twenty-nine inches wide. The physical demand for moving the individual is overwhelming. Thanks to some good friends in the business, we were finally able to begin our process.

Next there is the issue of a casket. Over-sized caskets can triple the cost. Then there is the issue of an over-sized vault. Because the vault is over-sized, the family is usually required to purchase two graves instead of one. There are only so many doorways in a building that can accommodate an over-sized casket.

Twelve pallbearers carried her to her final resting place. I found myself both grateful and sad. Grateful, because for twenty minutes, this lady poured sunshine into my world. Sad, because her obesity robbed most others from my same experience.

A couple of weeks ago I was driving to an appointment and I saw a really large man walking down the street.  Because of his size and the near 100 degree temperature, I knew he had to be extremely uncomfortable.  As I pulled into my parking place I glanced in my rear view mirror and watched this man trip with a force that propelled him like a rocket to the concrete.  I bolted from my car and ran to him…his arm was already bloody.

“Let me help you up”.  He had salt and pepper hair and perhaps the kindest sky blue eyes I have ever seen.

With a perfect Texas drawl he said “You’re gonna have to pack a little more lead in the rear to help me up!”  My heart was breaking for him.  I grabbed him by his good arm and we rocked….1, 2, 3, and I pulled with everything I had.  No matter how much I wanted to help this man, I couldn’t get him off the ground.  He explained he was walking to work and I at first got the impression he was trying to get some exercise.  I asked him to stay put and I’d get some help and as I ran into the building, there were just a few tiny women and elderly people that could be of no help.  By the time I got back out, a man had stopped to help him up.  He was hurt….I told him there was a doctor inside, would he please come in? I know he was both surprised and ashamed that I would help him.  He chuckled and said he was alright (he wasn’t).  As he walked out of my sight he said “It’s time to go on that diet”.

Of course I knew he’d been on hundreds of diets, just like I had.  It was the perfect time to have shared my story but yet it wasn’t.  I wish I had at least gotten his contact information so that maybe my signature on my email would perhaps spark a conversation.

Maybe he didn’t have a car and had to go into work anyway for fear of losing his job because of his size.  Maybe he couldn’t afford to call for an ambulance.  So many maybes.  Every day since then I have considered waiting at that parking space to see if I could locate him again.  He felt so much embarrassment and I wanted to tell him that I knew there was a perfectly loving man inside trying to get out.  I wanted to tell him so many things but most of all that I didn’t see him as just a morbidly obese man….that he was just as valid and worthy as anybody and the shell he lived in did not make him “less than”.

I fell a few weeks before that and was in extreme pain so I could only imagine what he was dealing with.  Tears ran down my face for the rest of the day.  Call me silly for wanting to do this but I’m going back to try to find him.  I want him to know why I didn’t judge him that day.

And why I cried.

Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.

Take a moment and watch this short film and understand that no matter where we came from, no matter what happened in the past….we can all be butterflies.

THE BUTTERFLY CIRCUS

And if you have never heard of this remarkable man before that stars in this short film, his name is Nick Vujicic.  Here’s a short video about him.  Remember to be grateful for what you have.

Dr. Still and Tracy

Patients and Primary Care Physicians Aren’t Having Candid Conversations About Obesity and Weight-loss Surgery, Survey Finds

On June 13th a survey found that Primary Care Physicians aren’t having those candid conversations needed about weight.  Dr. Christopher Still and Tracy (from Heart on my Sleeve blog) were kind enough to sit down with me and let me ask a few questions about the survey.  For those not familiar with Tracy, she has a blog called Heart on My Sleeve which is a new campaign sponsored by EES and the OAC.

It was such a pleasure chatting with them.  Dr. Still loves what he does and Tracy is on her journey and grateful for being chosen for this campaign.  My surgery was so long ago that I went around my doctor because he was totally against it.  I think Dr. Still was a bit surprised that I did that but I was super determined!

Did you bring it up to your doctor or did the doctor bring it up to you?

I saw this story about a woman who lost 300 pounds the “old fashioned way”.

No surgery….

No gimmicks….

While there are many applauding her success, there are just as many that need to understand how much more there is to this story.  First of all having weight loss surgery is not the easy way out or you wouldn’t have anyone regaining after surgery.    Every single person that has had the surgery would have the perfect outcome and it would be the magic pill.

What no one is saying are the statistics for someone who has lost this much weight on their own.  Less than 5% of all people that lose this much weight have regained it all plus more within five years.  When her body starts to rebel and she starts to have problems, I hope her support group will be there for her because long after the ABC cameras have left, this is when the reality of this process will set in.   I have seen it personally several times.  A few years ago I met a man that lost 200 pounds THREE TIMES!  For the life of me I cannot imagine the strength it required to accomplish that feat.  After meeting so many people through the weight loss surgery community, there are many of these stories.  I personally have gained and lost hundreds of pounds, hundreds of times.

She’ll get her fifteen minutes of fame and she’ll be feeling “all successful” and then the pounds start creeping back on because the weight loss was only a band-aid for the root problem and this poor woman will have to not only go back to a normal existence but an existence where she has a 95% chance of failing.  My heart breaks for her and I desperately hope she’s part of that 5% that makes it.

ABC does a major injustice to this lovely woman because they won’t care about her when she starts to struggle and of course they had to add “no surgery, no gimmicks”.  That would imply that my 130 pound weight loss was a gimmick, or fake weight loss, or I cheated somehow. It really shouldn’t matter how I went from 260 pounds to 130 pounds and kept it off for ten years as long as I am healthy.   I am healthier than I’ve ever been in my entire life.  There are hundreds of thousands of post-ops just like me and you rarely hear our stories being told on Good Morning America or People Magazine‘s feature about women that have lost half their weight.

That’s why we blog.  That’s why we tell out stories on websites, You Tube or wherever we can.  Some day the mainstream media will figure it out.  It’s good that I’m patient because I guess I don’t have a choice….

I was reading from “The Language of Letting Go” and this particular passage stood out.  As obese people we carry so much shame.  So much shame! Shame literally sucks the life out of us and there are days that it hangs over me like a dark cloud. I have lived in it for so long that it starts to feel normal and it never should.  Shame on me for feeling so much shame!  Here is what Melody Beattie says.

If we participate in shame-based behaviors such as over eating or chemical abuse, we will feel ashamed.  It’s inevitable.  We need to watch out for addictive and other compulsive behaviors because they will immerse us in shame.

Our past, and the brainwashing we may have had that imposed “original shame” upon us, may try to put shame on us.  This can happen when we’re all alone, walking through the grocery store or just quietly going about living our life.  Don’t think….Don’t feel….Don’t grow or change…Don’t be alive…Don’t live life…Be ashamed!

Be done with shame.  Attack shame.  Go to war with it.  Learn to recognize it and avoid it like the plague.

Today, I will deliberately refuse to get caught up in the shame floating around in the world.  If I cannot resist it, I will feel it, accept it, then be done with it as quickly as possible.  Help me know that it’s okay to love myself and help me to refuse to submit to shame.  If I get off course, help me learn to change shame into guilt, correct the behavior and move forward with my life in immediate self-love.

Be mindful of your thoughts.  Are they loaded with shame???  Tell shame it has been living in your head long enough…serve the eviction notice and tell shame to hit the road Jack!